FOUR GENUINE REASONS WHY A-ROD TOOK STEROIDS

The folks over at landlinetv.com have come up with a hysterical article about four reasons (other than for cheating purposes) why A-Rod would have taken steroids. (For the full article, click on the link above)

Reason number one: A-Rod has Testicular Cancer (Likelihood: 30%).
I have to agree with the likelihood of this happening. I would even say it's less, more like .5% I think A-Roid would rather go out into the public and get people to feel sorry for him rather than hide it, although this is a creative excuse he could have used for his tv interview.

Reason number two: Pituitary Malfunction (Likelihood: 10%).
Again, I have to agree with the author on this one. He's not actually a five-year-old who looks like he's in his thirties. He's a 33-year-old who looks like he's in his thirties. And he's definitely not aging backwards like Brad Pitt did; then he probably should look 50, which he doesn't. I would say the likelihood is -10%.

Reason number three: Post-operative Transsexual Woman (Likelihood: 20%).
Now this one I think is going to be the most relevant. However instead of changing from a woman into a man, I think he's preparing himself to change from a man to a woman. I mean, why else would he spend so much time with Madonna if he didn't want to become like her? The likelihood would skyrocket to about 80% if a cone-shaped bra was found in his closet (I say 80% because there needs to be room for the possibility he's just a freak).

Reason number four: Male Oral Contraception (Likelihood: 40%).
This is a possibility. I mean he did want to divorce his wife that he had a kid with. Maybe he's anti kids. Maybe *gasp* he's not playing for the kids out there that think he's a baseball idol (if any kids still do) and he's just playing to earn megabucks and to give free lessons to Madonna.
As the anonymous author wrote: "Unless he uses his immense wealth to buy a time machine, I don't think Madonna is getting knocked up."

Unfortunately, at least for New York Yankee fans, A-Rod used the drugs solely for the purpose of cheating. He came out and told us all that it was because of the "pressure" to be great. I don't doubt this pressure in any way, I just think that the Commissioner of Baseball should figure out how to make steroids legal so that players can become super heroes (at least they think they are), or they need to start kicking out these steroid users and make strict rules about this. Either way, A-Roid might be looking for a new job.

Jaclyn Kahn